The words you’re about to read may seem unusually convoluted on the surface. Don’t worry, they’re written in a secret code designed to confound and amuse (or maybe that’s confuse and abuse). In any case, it took me whole fractions of a fraction of a second to compose each sentence in such a way as to be more titillating than a herd of turtles decked out in tight-fitting lederhosen. But wait, there’s more to come!

Anomalies

I feel it only fair to warn you that as a singular anomaly (i.e. your one and only Famous Duck Historian), I’ve issued myself license to obscure the unfathomable in order to make it perfectly clear. This assures all facts presented herein get sucked down a black vortex of gravity and time, do a triple back flip followed with a half twist, and are then flushed into an alternate reality where they’re proof-checked by tiny rodents suffering from a genetically predisposed tendency to squint. Poor little buggers!

This is the way the vortex looks to our squinty-eyed fact checkers. Oh, boy, here comes a slew of wannabe facts!

Solving Puzzles

Mystery #1: Why are we always sweeping up cookie crumbs?

Let me be a tad less confusing than I was when I typed this in a parallel universe just two minutes ago: There are many secrets about to be revealed here—secrets that may seem unconnected on the surface. Do not be alarmed. Not only are they connectable, but in process of connecting them for the sheer pleasure of listening to myself prattle on, I promise to reveal the answers to several of the key mysteries that have befuddled the best minds on Jeopardy. This includes the 84^th place all-time champion who spends her days in your guest closet twisting apart entire bags of Oreo cookies in order to lick out all the frosting. By the way, it’s not a good idea to laugh if she’s wearing an alien costume resembling a duck and has an aluminum foil hat.

Mystery #1 Solved: Now you know why you’ve seen all those dark crumbs scattered about the house, and why your child’s been suffering from a long string of nightmares. You’re welcome.

You'd best re-check your closets and stock up on more Oreo's. It's going to be a long one. Better turn on a night light.

We’ve Only Just Begun

Lest you think we’re off to a shaky start, there’s much more where that came from. For example, the real story behind: UFO’s, Digital Art Pictures, Cave Paintings, Alien Party Supplies, Pac Man and Fuel-efficient Cars.

Perhaps it best to go back in time…way back. I’m speaking, of course, of ancient human history—you know, back in the days when human sacrifices to the gods were commonplace, slaves built pyramids, and man scratched out elaborate drawings on cave walls.

Think I can dig myself deeper? Heck, for you I’ll try anything!

Mystery #2: Who was left behind and why?

It’s a well-known and commonly accepted fact that in every universe outside the one man defines to suit his own needs, ducks came first. In truth, ducks have been around so long and have populated so many different planets in our universe that in the grand scale of things, man is but a teensy fly on a teensy apple on a teensy tree in a teensy orchard on a teensy farm near a…oh, you get the drift. Ducks, on the other webfoot, are more like a gargantuan wooly mammoth, on a humongous mountain, on a massively enormous continent, on a Jupiter-sized planet, in the king of all solar systems, yada, yada, yada.

Mystery #2 Solved: Ducks first. Man way, way, way, way, way behind.

An Issue Of Relevance

I suppose you were about to ask why “who came first” is relevant to our discussion. Sorry, I jumped the gun on you before you could spit it out. It would have been an excellent question. Let me make it up to you: You’re obviously paying attention and deserve a cookie. Go tell your mother and come back as soon as you’re done. Feel better? Good, then listen up…

When you finally wrap your head around the fact the history of ducks extends over a vastly longer timeline than the relatively short, squat and insignificant “timedash” that represents the history of man, you automatically gain the wherewithal that allows you to explain the things you couldn’t possibly explain before attaining aforesaid wherewithal. Of course, this precludes the possibility you’ve been making up facts off the top of your pretty little head. As you may have guessed, making up facts isn’t my problem, nor is my head all that pretty for that matter.

This diagram puts the whole timeline issue in perspective. As you can see, ducks are far, far ahead of us and could squash our puny little brains if they wanted to.

What’s that? You’d like to hear more about aforesaid wherewithal? Then stick with me like bees stick to honey, like peanut butter sticks with jelly, like gum sticks to the sole of your shoe, like a new bride sticks with her wedding gown, like bad odors stick to garbage, like…like…like superglue!

Mystery #3: Is Mona smiling or smirking?

We’ll skip right past the topics of artists in general, painters, paintings for sale, oil paintings, Egyptian paintings, various media used by painters and exciting rainbow colored underwear just so we can delve into the topic of ancient cave drawings. Yes, I thought you’d be impressed.

Now, as any student of human art history is keenly aware, early man (lacking modern, more sophisticated software to create pictures by digital means), would often resort to using sharp and pointy rocks to scratch out crude drawings on cave walls. He (or she) would then color in the “pictures” using ash or the stain from berries or other plants, not to mention the occasional life-blood of a too-nosy neighbor or couch-potato spouse. Though some suggest the quality of these works is no better than modern day graffiti, the fact is there is no better historical record from the era. (Unless, of course, you go to any library on the planet Zippermax—the capital of the Gorgadon Duck Empire—and check out the new and revised, “Famous Duck’s: A Short History Of Earth” by yours truly. FYI: All 637 volumes are soon to be available on Amazon.)

Here's a sampling of the prehistoric cave art recently discovered in Southern France. Looks like we've never been alone.

Moving right along: If you’ve ever tried scratching a rock with another rock to do something as simple as carving your initials, you should begin to understand the difficulty of portraying a smile versus a smirk, and the epic scale of work involved. Modern day forensic archeologists estimate that even simple cave art might take skilled cave-scratchers an entire lifetime, or as little as fifteen minutes depending on who happens by. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!

Mystery #3 Solved: Rocks suck for scratching out facial expressions, but for the real story on Mona click here.

Sadly, some artists have always been better than others as proven from this recent cave find. Archeologists tell us this work was created in less than 4 minutes flat. Must have been a smile.

It’s A Matter Of Record

Mystery #4: Who invented it first and just what was “it”, anyway?

Now, faithful readers, we bring you the real history of Pac Man. For those of you who lived through the early 80’s or shortly thereafter, you’ve no doubt heard of this delightful little video game. At its most basic, it’s a digitally enhanced adventure where players takes on the persona of a clam-shaped character who goes running around chomping little pellets. Interestingly, while the human company Namco claims the Pac Man concept as their original idea, our alternate universe, squinty-eyed, truth-checking rodents say otherwise. They point to a recent archeological dig in Southern France (pictured above), which unearthed shocking new evidence the game was actually based on an alien abduction, or perhaps I should say an alien ab-duck-tion!

Here it is video game fans: The proof Pac Man was inspired by an alien duck!

As you can clearly see from the accompanying sketch, the original Pac Man character has an uncanny resemblance to one of the unearthed cave drawings. Shocking! And as we now can agree ducks have been around far longer than human beings (see above), it’s but a small step to conclude the artist who whiled away his days scratching out this cave drawing must have been abducted by “aliens” (i.e. a space-faring race of ducks). Think about it: How else would he come up with the idea for a technologically advanced and helmeted space creature? Impossible, right? I ask you: Will shameless plagiarism on the part of modern day video gamesters never cease?

Mystery #4 Solved: Pac Man was an alien duck, not a man at all. Under the circumstances, the game should have been called Pac Quack and Pac Quack should have run around collecting eggs!

Did You Think We Were Too Stupid To Take Note?

Mystery #5: Are flying saucers for real?

Duh! Of course, they’re real. For proof, I’ve rodent-checked the picture below taken in the month of June 1966 from a C-47 Skytrain at an altitude of 12,000 feet by H.Williams—a trusted acquaintance of my earthbound father-in-law. Mr. Williams was was quoted as saying, “Roger that, one-niner…Hey, Dave, we’ve got a bogey at 10 o’clock! What the…hold on there, pardner, that ain’t no Frisbee! Better go to DEFCON 1, and somebody call the President!”

(Click to enlarge.) This unedited photo was shot in 1966. The next day the U.S. Supreme court ruled in Miranda vs. Arizona that police must inform suspects of their rights before questioning them. Related? Of course, it's related! We certainly don't want the aliens falsely imprisoned now, do we?

I should add any mention of flying saucers in this column should not be construed as a wanton display of highfaluting antics. Far from it! In fact, I’m just getting down to the meat of my mostly vegetative vegetarian discourse. What exactly am I referring to? Well, it’s certainly not the people who use unidentified flying objects to make a living selling alien costumes and t-shirts to those imbeciles who try to break into “Area 51”.

FYI: For those fourteen individuals still unaware, Area 51 is a super-secret, highly classified military facility in a remote section of Nevada famous for super-secret, highly-classified “UFO” sightings. If you don’t believe me, just check in with Agents Mulder and Scully.

Can You Help Me Get Back In The Saddle Of My High Horse?

Long a source of inspiration for those who make remote-controlled devices, which soar through the air with the greatest of ease, UFO’s and/or flying saucers should not to be mistaken for trapeze artists. I know it’s confusing—any UFO that has big sign plastered on the side that says something like, The Greatest Show On Earth, The Greatest Show On Baldazong, The Greatest Show This Side of Pluto, etc., will likely contain any number of acrobatic types. (Source: Ringling Brothers)

Now, some claim UFO’s are and have been an outright scam from the get-go (i.e. this would include those in positions of power and influence). On the other side are all those who say UFO’s are real and are being covered up so as not to scare the general public about the existence of man-eating extraterrestrials. The people making these claims include everyone not in power, those without any influence whatsoever, and all those who insist they’ve seen aliens, are always looking over their shoulders for aliens, or those who tend to wear aluminum foil on their heads to prevent aliens from scanning their thoughts (see also Mystery #1).

(Click to enlarge.) Here's the previously suppressed truth revealed once and for all. Flying saucers piloted by aliens have entered our airspace!

Today, I can say without even a tiny bit of queasiness in the pit of my stomach, that because of Pac Man and the fact that ducks came first, UFO’s are for real—no, really they are. Furthermore, as I recently came across a previously classified section of the 1960 U.S. Statistical Abstract (see the document to the left), I can state for the record there were exactly 3,435 actual “piloted” flying saucers that entered the earth’s atmosphere and crossed into U.S. airspace in 1959. In addition, I’ve learned the pilots for these space traveling vehicles can be divided into four distinct subcategories. These include:

(1) Duck aliens who sell flying saucer lamps filled with alcohol to minors on welfare (shameful!).

(2) Duck aliens who barter and exchange alien party supplies for moonshine.

(3) Duck alien wannabe’s who sell outdated versions of shark alien laptops to third-rate, backwater planets (i.e. Earth).

(4) Test pilots for the U.S. Air Force posing either as UFO investigators, ancient astronauts, or as medical quacks selling alien implants (this includes beaks, buttocks, breasts and biceps).

Mystery #5 Solved: Two out of four flying saucer pilots are real live duck aliens. One out of four duck alien pilots are drunk. The rest are posers, though one is filthy rich!

It’s Not Easy Being Green

And no, I’m not talking about Kermit.

Mystery #6: When and why were green cars originally invented?

The issue of green cars should not be in any way confused with green cards and the whole hot-button topic of duck alien immigration. Yes, I know…you fail to see the obvious relationship between Pac Man, Ab-duck-ted aliens and energy efficient “green” cars. Believe, me, that’s why I’m still here pounding away at my keyboard faster than the speed of light.

Here goes nuttin’: Pac Quack came to visit earth, right? This is where you nod your head, affirmatively. Let’s practice all together. Good. Now, in the process of his visit he was assigned to abduct a few humans and perform any number of scientific experiments and a few practical jokes. So tell me this, dear reader: How do you suppose old Pac Quack got around while he was visiting our lovely planet, eh? Ever think about that? I didn’t think so, but don’t worry because I’m about to wrap this up as tight as triple granny knot.

Here’s the crux of the matter: Absolutely everyone who’s taken the time to think about it knows the whole idea of a transporter  (think Star Trek) is a load of hooey. I mean who in their right mind is going to step onto a transporter platform and “hope” they appear unscathed a couple light years away? No, Dr. McCoy had it right—it makes no sense to risk scattering your particles across the known universe or end up inside of a brick.

And then there’s the whole issue of gas stations—as in the franchised operations corporate conglomerates use to mass market highly distilled petrochemicals in order to redistribute the wealth of the population at large (no judgment implied or intended—the dirty scumbags). Need I bother to add gas stations hadn’t been invented back when Pac Quack first came to visit? Thus, the only way to get around on earth in the day was by roping a jack-ass or soliciting a camel jockey, unless you just happen to have a solar, biomass or pre-fueled, super-efficient green car capable of traveling across rugged terrain.

Mystery #6 Solved: Green SUV’s were created shortly after the dinosaurs became extinct by duck aliens for the specific purpose of rounding up humans for scientific experiments and playing practical jokes.

Fodder for another day: How about all those aliens that took a wrong turn?

Rest Easy. The World’s Safe Again.

And there you have it folks. Six of your biggest world mysteries solved for all of eternity. Remember, you heard it here first!

‘Till next time.

By Bob Anderson

Art By Bob Anderson & Shaun Novion
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

If you have about 15 minutes and a microwave, you can make some amazing, gourmet spicy walnut brittle. No walnuts? Then cashews, peanuts or almonds all suffice. I have to warn you: Once you try this brittle, you’ll be going back for more.

Really, you've got to try this with these spices. You'll be amazed.

I suppose some out there are already turning up their noses. Either they don’t like walnuts, or don’t like spicy foods or they just don’t believe you can cook anything good in the microwave. Prepare to be wrong! This brittle is amazingly tasty, easy to make (especially the second time around), and might just be one of the best candies you’ve ever tried.

I’ve put together the easy to follow visual graphic below. It may look a little complicated at first, but it really isn’t. Just gather up and measure out all your ingredients before you start cooking. Be prepared: Once the brittle comes out of the microwave you only have a limited time to work it—this means it sets up fast. Give it a try.

If you really don’t want the spice just skip it altogether or go with the cinnamon only. Believe me, you’ll be missing out! In fact, this Spicy Microwave Walnut Brittle is so good it makes a cool gift for birthdays, holidays, or just because you’re looking to do something special for someone you love.

Without further ado…

We’ll need:

1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1/8 teaspoon Ancho chili powder
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup chopped walnuts
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup Karo syrup
1/2 tablespoon butter
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon baking powder

Let’s get to it…

Click to expand graphic. Use your browser button to come back.

A Couple Notes:

The dish gets hot cooking this brittle so have some mitts on hand. Also, the first time I tried this I overcooked it. I happen to have a pretty powerful microwave and the times listed in the graphic work great with my machine. You may need to give it a little more or less time depending on your machine. Finally, if you have any loose filings or have trouble eating sticky nuts then you’d probably better pass…sorry!

I can’t believe how great this turns out and it’s so easy, too.

Enjoy!

By Bob Anderson
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

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If you like quick and easy, try these microwave wonders:
Abracadabra Chocolate Microwave Cake
Instant Presto Candy Bacon
Instant Presto Candied Walnuts
Instant Presto Roasted Coconut

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Today’s Adventures of Javabird comic…

By Bob Anderson
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

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If you enjoyed today’s comic, check out:
“Anna Takes Driving Lessons“

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Like wine? I do. I’m no expert, but I drink enough wine I usually keep a number of bottles on hand. After all, you never quite know if you’ll want a Syrah, Chardonnay, Cabernet or something else to go with a particular meal. This brings up an interesting question: What’s the best way to store wine if you don’t have a wine cellar?

Wine storage comes in all shapes and sizes. Some furniture or cabinets offers built-in storage. But is this really the best place to keep it? It depends.

It may be worth mentioning you already own a wine cellar. After all, a wine cellar is really little more than a place to store your wine. A wine rack in the dining or living room, a few cases in the back of the closet, or a filing cabinet in the garage all might qualify as wine cellars on some level. Sure, there are those passionate connoisseurs of the grape who spend thousands on a separate room in the house. Others less fortunate might buy a wine refrigerator, a specialty air conditioner or humidifier, or build custom wine racks. However, none of these are really necessary if the quantity of wine you store is small, the quality of the wine isn’t particularly high, or you seem to run through your stock fairly quickly.

As you learn more about wine and start thinking of it as your drink of choice (I know I do), the issue of wine storage becomes more important. Yes, the shoe closet may still suffice, but without realizing it, you can actually do a lot of damage to wine by storing it incorrectly. Of course, the more wine you have, the more important it is to stand up and take note.

Let’s take a closer look at some of the factors that affect a wine’s quality in regards to storage.

Not All Wine’s The Same.

There are so many different types of wine. Some are worth aging, but some aren't.

First off, it’s important to understand there’s a huge variation in the quality and variety of wine. Most wine that benefits from aging will need to be stored for years to taste noticeably different or better—in some cases many years or even decades. This means different wines may require different storage solutions. For example, there’s little reason to store cheap wine at all. It probably won’t improve with age and it’s easy to replace—just go back to the store and get another bottle.

There are also issues about wine types: White wine and red wine are two different beasts. Most whites are good when they’re still relatively young—even a few months will do the job in some cases. That means you won’t need to store them for extended periods of time. Most whites also do best when chilled so you may get by if you keep a few bottles in the refrigerator or if you buy one of those refrigerators made especially for wine. On the other hand, red wines will generally improve with age, but improvement depends on the type and quality of a particular vintage, and the conditions and length of time under which it’s stored.

Drink No Wine Before It’s Time

Some wines are ready to drink the moment a winemaker releases his product to the market. Others benefit substantially from aging, though this isn’t universal—some actually spoil after just a few years. And of those that may benefit from long term warehousing it could take years to reach their peak—anywhere from 3, 5, 10, 15 years or more!

How do you whether a wine you buy is worth aging? The best bet is to know your wine, which may mean talking to the person or company who made it. This may be easiest if you went to the winery’s tasting room and got the inside scoop, or if you can find an email address for the winemaker and he or she isn’t too busy to answer an inquiry. You might also check the winemaker’s website for recommendations.

An open bottle on the counter has a limited life. Drink it or keep it in the refrigerator.

If talking to the winemaker isn’t a viable option, you might also try talking with a specialty wine store owner or manager. These people taste wines all the time, meet the people who make and sell them, and as a result, have lots of good insight on fine wines and whether to drink them right away or store them.

If you bought the bottle at a grocery store chances are you won’t get a whole lot out of the aging process unless it came from that special cellar where they store the “better” (and usually more-expensive) wines. If you buy one of these, talk to the person who heads up the wine department and get their recommendation.

How Hot Is Too Hot?

Besides light (which we’ll talk about in detail below) temperature might just be the most important factor in storing wines. Wine tastes best when it’s been stored in a cool dark place that has little to no variation in temperature. At the same time, storing wine where rapid changes in temperature occur poses a significant risk of spoilage.

Storing wine in the kitchen, especially in a cabinet up high is not a good idea. There's way too much temperature variation.

The reason rapid temperature change is such a critical issue is it can play havoc with corks, causing them to expand or contract. If enough air enters the bottle in the process, it can oxidize the wine and potentially make it undrinkable. The best temperature to store wine is a constant 55 degrees F. (13 degrees C). This allows for slower aging and can help develop a wines “complexity”. For more on complexity see our post, “Wine Tasting Part II: 5 Qualities“.

Wine stored at higher temperatures, for example 73 degrees F will “age” faster, up to 8 times faster, than wines stored at 55 degrees F. Unfortunately, this isn’t aging as we normally think of it—it’s more like “cooking” as it potentially affects the chemistry of the wine and that may negatively impact its taste. It’s worth noting that when a wine sits in a warm store or warehouse for any length of time it may develop certain characteristics of premature aging or cooking. One way to recognize premature aging is by looking at a wine’s color—a wine that’s unusually brown indicates oxidation or other chemical reactions have taken place. For an excellent article that delves into the detail on how temperature affects aging see WinePerspective.com.

Hey, Turn Off Those Lights!

These bottles and labels may look pretty displayed in the light, but sunlight's bad for the wine.

Light is another critical factor in storing wines. Depending on the color of glass used to make the wine bottle, light—especially sunlight or florescent lighting—can cause an undesirable chemical reaction within the wine. Even a few hours of the wrong light (that is, ultraviolent light) can potentially make it undrinkable. Chemically speaking, light can create the conditions which generate hydrogen-sulfide, dimethyl sulfide, and dimethyl disulfide. These sulfur compounds can smell like rotten eggs, rotten cabbage or a wet dog. To avoid this potential the safe bet is to store wine in a dark place. For a technical discussion on how light affects wine see: BottleMagazine.com.

Humidity

Humidity is yet a third element to consider when discussing wine storage. The drier the air within a cellar, the greater the chance it will draw moisture out of a cork, and thus, potentially ruin the wine by allowing air into it. To avoid the issue of corks drying out the safe bet is to (a) store wine bottles on the side to keep their corks moist, (b) monitor the wine cellar’s humidity, or (c) do both.

It’s worth mentioning those newer style artificial corks or screw top bottle caps may provide a better seal over the long haul. Unfortunately, it could take years to prove they offer a significant advantage over their more traditional counterparts. It would be interesting if better winemakers started offering both options and then held taste tests over the ensuing years to demonstrate any actual benefits of using one or the other.

Ideally, the humidity level in a cellar should be between 62.5% and 72.5%. However, unless you’re storing wines over 10 years improper humidity isn’t likely to hurt your wine. Typically, cellars lack sufficient humidity, especially if the air has been air-conditioned—air conditioning tends to dry the air out. If you know your cellar lacks sufficient humidity, placing some water in a bowl or tray on the cellar floor may help.

Too much humidity poses other risks. When the humidity is higher than 75% over an extended period, wine labels may fall off. In addition, insufficient air circulation can promote mold growth on the labels or in the worse case on the corks themselves.

Adequate airflow in wine cellars will prevent mold from accumulating in a cellar. To insure the air has the right humidity, a commercially available climate control system may be required.

Come On Baby Shake It Up

Many people suggest vibration is another factor to be avoided when it comes to storing wine. However, as there isn’t an easy way to quantify the effect over long stretches of time it’s hard to know the real impact.

To avoid getting sediment in your glass, gently pour the wine in a decanter first.

Vibration aside, it’s always a good idea to avoid shaking up a bottle if it’s been sitting a long time. As wine ages, some sediment may sink to the bottom (or side if the bottle has been properly stored). It’s better to handle a bottle gently so as not to disturb this sediment. In fact, the suggested course is to take a bottle out of the cellar several hours prior to drinking it to allow any loose sediment on the sides to fall to the bottom. Then gently open and pour the wine into a decanter. By pouring the wine in such a way to avoid a glug, glug, glug sound, most sediment remains at the bottom of the bottle and there’s less chance of jarring loose any that’s still hanging on the sides.

Storing That Wine That’s Been Opened

Wine that's been opened should be re-corked and stored in the refrigerator. It will keep much longer.

Ask most wine lovers how to store a bottle that’s been opened and they’ll tell you it isn’t even a consideration—you just drink it! However, for those who drink in moderation and end up with leftover wine, the best bet is to keep it in the refrigerator. The temperature of most modern refrigerators averages some 35 to 38 degrees.  As this is lower than 55 degrees it actually slows the aging of wine. Thus, re-corking and storing your bottle in the refrigerator is a better option than keeping it out on the kitchen counter where it’s exposed to more heat and light. A wine stored in the refrigerator can last for days or even weeks without going bad. One left out on the counter can go bad in a day or two. To warm a wine that’s been in the refrigerator, pour a glass and microwave it for 10 second bursts until it reaches room temperature. The actual time needed may vary depending on your microwave.

There’s More and Less Here Than Meets The Eye

Without doubt, the way you store your wine can affect its taste. However, it’s practically impossible to make blanket assertions about how much wine goes bad because of improper storage. Clearly, we drink a lot of wine which has been in warehouses or stores that are kept too warm or are far too bright. Much of the commercially available wine is also inexpensive enough it’s not worth making much of a fuss over storing it.

The issue or storing wine properly really comes into play when we run across a wine we enjoy and know it may benefit from one or more years of aging. In these instances, it’s worth treating it as you would any investment—with care. This means storing it in such a way to avoid excess heat or excess temperature variation, keeping it away from light, and storing it on the side in a room or closet that’s not overly dry. Of course, if you decide wine is your thing, there are hundreds of companies happy to help design and build a custom wine cellar.

Easy Mistakes To Avoid

Even if you only keep a few bottles around the house, you can avoid some typical wine storage gaffes. How?

Don’t keep excess wine anywhere where the temperature varies a lot, like the laundry room, the kitchen or the garage. Also, avoid setting a wine rack where sunlight or excess room light is bound to hit it. It’s far better to put the wine in a closet (preferably downstairs), and when you do that, stick to the bottom instead of the top. Remember heat rises so it’s cooler down below. It’s also a good idea to store wine in where there aren’t a lot of odors. Corks do breathe (somewhat) so you’ll want to keep your wine away from those stinky old sox.

Finally, if you have white wine you’re keeping in an old refrigerator it’s better to drink it sooner rather than later. After a few months the standard 35 degrees or so in most refrigerators leads to dry air, and that dries out the corks. If any air seeps in and around the cork the wine might take on the smells of other foods kept in the refrigerator.

By Bob Anderson
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

Sources:
WinePerspective.com “How Temperature Affects The Aging Of Wine”
BottleMagazine.Com “Can Light Really Affect My Wine”
Wineanorak.com “Storing Wine: The Effect of Temperature And Humidity”
“The Wine Bible” by Karen McNeil

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This cake recipe is all about instant gratification. When you want some quick and easy dessert and it’s got to be chocolate this recipe is bound to satisfy. You can make this cake from scratch in about 5 to 7 minutes—and that includes the time you need to cook it!

Let’s Get To It

Gather the following ingredients and then check the easy to follow graphic below. For additional details, see the notes underneath.

Ingredients

You don't need this fancy vanilla liqueur, but it sure tastes good.

1/4 cup regular white flour

1/4 cup granulated sugar

2 tablespoons cocoa powder (the baking variety)

1 egg

1/4 cup cooking oil (try extra light olive oil for mild taste)

3 tablespoons milk (you can substitute half and half or evaporated milk)

1/4 cup chocolate chips

1/4 teaspoon vanilla liqueur (you can substitute pure vanilla)

1 small microwave safe dish (like a mug or ramekin)

Click On The Image To Expand It

Click to see a larger image. Use your browser button to come back.

A Few Notes

When it cooled, I ran a knife around the outside of the ramekin and my cake came right out.

If you use a mug, get a big one. I used a ramekin to make this cake instead of a mug as I like lower profile—it’s more like a traditional cake pan. However, either works fine. I did check first to make sure my ramekin was going to be about the same volume as my mug. To do that, just fill the mug with water and then pour the water in the ramekin. If the water fits you’re fine.

Don’t be surprised if your cake rises above the top of the cup or ramekin as it cooks. My did that and then shrank a bit as it cooled.

Place a paper towel under your cup or ramekin as you’re mixing it up. That will catch all the stuff you drop and make clean up a snap.

Measure carefully. Baking goes best when using the right proportions.

I used half and half instead of milk because I was out of the latter. Either works fine.

I found this vanilla schnapps at the liquor store. It's definitely worth trying.

I was fortunate to visit Mexico last year. Every time I go, I make a point to get some of their amazing Vanilla Liqueur. This stuff will work in any recipe calling for vanilla and it tastes amazing. It’s also great in coffee. If you want a substitute try McGillacuddy’s Intense Vanilla Schnapps, which is available in the U.S. It tastes a little different, doesn’t have that dark vanilla coloring, but it’s absolutely delicious.

You can use chocolate chips in this recipe or not, but if you do, I recommend Ghirardelli’s 60% Cacoa  chocolate chips. Of course, any chocolate chips are better than no chocolate chips in my book. One note: The chocolate tends to settle to the bottom of the cake so when you take the cake out of your ramekin don’t be surprised if it’s gooier there.

My microwave is one of those over the stove varieties and has a lot of juice. My cake was perfect after 2 and 3/4 minutes, but you may need to adjust the time depending on your unit. You can always check for doneness by popping a toothpick into the middle. If the toothpick comes out clean the cake’s done.

I do like a little vanilla ice cream with my chocolate cake.

Try this cake with a little ice cream. I just love the combination.

Enjoy!

By Bob Anderson
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

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If you’re looking for a simple cake for a bigger group, try:
A Chocolate Cake A Man Can Bake

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Are you a smoker?  Drinker?  Drug user? Uncontrolled shopper? Collector? Sometimes the obvious way to save money is also the toughest. What we’re really talking about here is the cost of an addiction. Addictions come in all forms—everything from out-and-out drug and alcohol abuse to seemingly harmless habits like a daily visit to the local coffee stand or buying yet another pair of shoes.

Bad or otherwise, the common thread between addictions is they’re expensive—especially as we go to consider the larger issues of health and wealth. And until we’re willing to examine whether the daily habit we feed is really an addiction or not, it may end up placing a heavier toll on our long-term happiness than we realize.

Long Term Costs Add Up In A Big Way

Let’s take quick look at the cost of a typical smoking addiction to see how it adds up. According to CampaignForTobaccoFreeKids.Org the average cost of a pack of cigarettes in the U.S. as of August 1, 2011 was $5.95. This means a pack-a-day smoker will shell out (365 days per year x $5.95 per pack or) $2172 per year. Now, let’s dig a little deeper and see how that addiction really adds up over the long-term:

Even if the cost per pack is a little more or less, we're still talking thousands of dollars to support a smoking habit over a lifetime.

It’s probably worth noting the figures above don’t account for smokers who jump from one to two or even three packs a day. Thus, if you support a bigger habit, you may have to multiple the numbers above to get a better idea what a smoking habit really costs you. The chart also doesn’t show the added health costs smokers face. The CampaignForTobaccoFreeKids.Org tallies that total at an astonishing $96 billion per year in the U.S alone! This includes public and private spending on all health care costs related to smoking. Since the same group reports that something like 50 million people smoke in the U.S. you could roughly assume each smoker has an added $1920 per year to account for (96 billion divided by 50 million is $1920). That’s another $57,600 over 30 years.

What do you think of all these numbers? Are you surprised at how such a small amount per day can make such a huge impact over the years?  Would you rather have all that money to pay off your mortgage and go into retirement debt-free? Don’t forget that if you’re married or in a long-term relationship your partner’s bad habit will also impact your lifestyle.

My daily coffee habit does cost a pretty penny over the long haul, but my mornings just feel brighter with a little caffeine.

Not Every Habit’s A Bad One

To be clear, not every habit or bad habit is an addiction. Nor should we make blanket assertions that one person’s habit has the same destructive potential as it does for others. The issue of saving money therefore isn’t simply about judging whether a particular habit is ultimately good, bad, or otherwise. It’s about making conscious choices in the way we decide to live.

Here’s the thing: If I (a) really enjoy my morning Cup of Joe from the local coffee stand and (b) it really helps me get going in the morning, then who’s to say it costs me anything in terms of my health or wealth. Maybe I’m more alert and productive on the job because of it. On the other hand, buying my coffee at a stand versus making it at home is another issue worth considering in terms of the overall dollars I spend. If I made it at home, I might save one or more dollars a cup. That certainly adds up. Thus, it’s well worth considering both the basic cost of an addiction and what goes into our buying decisions surrounding it when we’re talking about trying to save money.

Unforeseen and Hidden Costs Associated With Addiction

Of course, there are other costs worth examining as we go to talk our serious addictions and decide whether or not to quit. Here are just a few examples: (1) We may need one-on-one professional counseling to quit drinking. Examples might include hypnotherapy or aversion therapy. (2) We may need smoking aids like nicotine patches to quit smoking. (3) We may need to enter an addiction recovery program—this can apply to a wide range of addictions, everything from drugs and alcohol to gambling or other compulsive behaviors like shopping or sexual addiction. Recovery programs like these can end up costing thousands. That’s thousands on top of all the money spent supporting the addiction in the first place.

Hopefully, all the costs associated with treating an addiction will come about because an individual voluntarily chooses to quit. However, when addictions become destructive (for example. when an addict drives under the influence and injuries another party) the judge may impose penalties including forced attendance in a recovery program at the addict’s expense, plus the victims involved in an incident may be awarded damages for liability. These judgments can be astronomical—potentially running in the millions.

There can be still other costs associated with an addiction. This can include the cost of divorce or loss of assets that come when an addiction spirals out of control. Yet addiction can also involve less tangible costs like irreparably broken trust. This comes from the constant lying or even stealing that addicts typically engage in to support their habit. In many cases, family members also end up paying to get relief from an addiction. In fact, they can end up paying again and again by repeatedly shelling out funds for a recovery program for their addict to get clean.

Are you in a position to help someone overcome a bad habit or addiction? Maybe it's worth trying to point out all the long term costs involved.

Is It A Habit Or An Addiction?

How do you know if a “bad” habit of yours is really an addiction? Unfortunately, there’s no one way to say for certain. However, when you notice a habit has become an unthinking and automatic routine, chances are it’s worth looking at. Even a seemingly innocent daily ritual of serving up a big bowl of ice cream after an evening meal can signal something’s up. Maybe you just like ice cream so it’s really no big deal. On the other hand, if you know you’re overweight, you know you’re under a lot of stress, you know you’d probably feel better by skipping it, you’ve been avoiding bringing up an issue with your significant other, or you know you’ve been feeling depressed, then your ice cream habit is probably worth examining.

Making Changes

Clearly, a serious addiction is a bigger issue to face than a bad habit, yet either can cost big time over the long haul. If you’d like to break free from the grip of a habit, good for you! If you’re an addict or have to live with one, hopefully you’re in a good enough place you can do something about it. In any event, don’t go through life without taking the time to think about your choices. Make conscious decisions to stay healthy and build wealth. It can mean the difference between living a life of despair and poverty or building a much brighter, more prosperous future.

Action Item: Grab a piece of paper and identify one or more “habits” or addictions affecting you. These don’t just have to be alcohol or drug related, either. They could be anything. For example, say you’ve noticed you can’t seem to turn off one of the shopper’s network shows on television and end up buying far too often. Or maybe, you’re taking frequent trips to the local casino to play the slots. Or maybe you’ve just can’t seem to avoid buying a candy bar every afternoon from a vending machine at work.

Next, try to calculate how much you spend as a result of your habit or addiction. Multiple the unit cost times the number of days in a week, month and year. Once you see the annual cost, multiple it by 10 to see how much you’ll spend on this habit over the course of the next decade.

Now, make a list of the benefits you get as well as other potential costs for continuing on in your habit or addiction. This is can feel hard. Some costs aren’t easy to quantify. Just do the best you can. When you finish ask yourself whether the benefits outweigh the continued costs. If you decide they don’t and want to quit, make a pact with a close family member or friend to swear off your habit or addiction. Better yet, once a week deposit the money you would have spent supporting your old habit into a savings account. You’ll be amazed how quickly it adds up.

By Bob Anderson
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

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If you enjoyed this tip, you might want to read our post:
Slash Spending: Try The Annualizing Trick

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Parties are great for catching up with people and when combined with food are often wonderful venues of for tasting new recipes. Such was the case at a recent gathering when our good friend Marcia shared one of her favorite recipes for Spicy Macaroni and Cheese. What makes this recipe so great is the variety of yummy cheeses she used, plus a couple extra spices not typically found in traditional Mac & Cheese recipes. I’ve just got to add, this is one super creamy and cheesy pasta you’re really going to love!

Here's one of Marcia's secret ingredients.

Marcia uses “Pepper Jack” along with Colby and Cheddar cheeses, plus she adds Cayenne pepper to spice it up a little more. Personally, I like a little “heat” in my food, but I know some people avoid spice at all costs. If spice is a issue in your household, you could easily exchange the Pepper Jack for more of the other cheeses and skip the Cayenne altogether. However, until you’ve tried it, you may not believe how delicious this tastes when prepared exactly as written. Besides, Cayenne pepper is good for you! To check out it’s many health benefits, see this page at the World’s Healthiest Foods.

Without further ado, here’s Marcia’s Monstrously Magnificent Spicy Mac N Cheese:

Ingredients

Don't forget to check your spice supply. You'll want mustard, nutmeg, cayenne, black pepper and salt.

2 cups elbow pasta, uncooked (see below for additional instructions)

8 ounces Pepper Jack, cubed

8 ounces Colby, cubed

8 ounces Cheddar, 1/2 cubed, 1/2 shredded

2 teaspoons all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoons salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1/2 teaspoon dry mustard powder

1/2 teaspoon Cayenne pepper

1/8 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg

4 tablespoons sour cream

1 large egg, beaten

1 cup half-and-half

1 cup heavy cream

4 slices bread (or use Panko bread crumbs see below)

1 tablespoon butter

Directions

Prep Time: 15 min

Cook Time: 55 min

Level: Easy

Serves: 6 to 8 servings

Oops! I was all set to make this recipe and didn't have the right pasta. You want elbow macaroni, though I have to say this penne pasta made a perfectly good substitute.

Start by cooking the pasta al dente. You want to error on the side of undercooking it, meaning it should still be a little chewy and more resistant at the center when you bite into it.

Next up: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

After draining the pasta, combine it with the Pepper Jack and Colby cheese cubes and pour into a 2 quart baking dish.

It's time to add my spices. I'll start with the cayenne.

In a large mixing bowl, add in the flour and all the spices, including the salt, black pepper, Cayenne pepper, dry mustard, and nutmeg.

Now, combine in the liquids, including the sour cream, egg, heavy cream, and half-and-half. Stir well, and then pour over the pasta. Note: The half and half and cream make this super rich and creamy, but if high fat is a concern in your diet, try substituting milk or part milk. It won’t be as rich, but should still be delicious.

If you find grating easier than cubing, you can always do that, or buy the pre-grated cheese in your deli.

Finally, sprinkle the shredded Cheddar over the top.

Baking

Bake about 35 minutes uncovered, until the top begins to brown.

You can whip up the croutons while you bake or just use the Panko bread crumbs.

While the macaroni is baking, you can make your own croutons. (If you prefer an easier option, see the alternative below.) To make the croutons, first cut the bread into crouton-size cubes. Next, place a skillet on medium heat. Melt the butter and then add the bread cubes and toast until they start to turn golden. You’ll want to keep stirring these to keep them from scorching. Once the macaroni starts to brown as specified above, sprinkle the croutons over the top and bake about 10 more minutes or until golden brown.

Alternative to croutons: Rather than making croutons, Marcia also recommends sprinkling Panko bread crumbs over the top. You’ll probably want to start with 1/4 to 1/2 cup. According to Marcia, using pre-made Panko is much easier and just as delicious. Now, bake about 10 more minutes as suggested above.

Submitted by Marcia Olson. Thanks Marcia!

Adapted By Bob Anderson
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

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If you like spice, you may also want to try these Javabird recipes:
Simple Spicy Artichoke Dip
Not Your Grandmom’s Tuna Melt
Chili Chocolate Cinnamon Cookies
2 Bean Chicken Chili Soup
Chili Cheese Cornbread
Spicy Chicken Curry Cashew

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By Bob Anderson
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

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If you enjoyed today’s comic, check out:
“Anna Can’t Sleep“

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Today's Tip: It's time to take a closer look at those credit card habits.

Sometimes creating more from less is as simple as changing a habit. Have you really looked at your habits, lately? In this tip, we’ll examine credit cards and they way they can rob us of a secure financial future.

If you (a) pay off your credit cards every month without fail, and (b) only use them because of a cash-back or special awards program, then consider yourself lucky. Most people carry at least some balance and that balance incurs monthly interest charges. Pay late and you’ll get hit with a late fee. In some cases, if you go over your credit limit you’ll also get hit with a fee. All these charges add up. We don’t really notice it as it happens, because the money just dribbles away, a little at a time. Plus, it’s hard to argue the convenience—carrying around a wad of cash can seem inconvenient if not risky. The trouble begins when we wake up to the fact we’re carrying way more debt than we can handle.

Over time increasing our debt load robs us of our ability to build wealth. The more debt, the less savings, it's as simple as that.

It’s worth examining your credit card habits with a fine tooth comb. Here are some simple questions to ask yourself:

(1) Are you paying interest charges every month to carry a balance over? If so, how much interest did you pay last year?

(2) Have you recently made a late credit card payment? If you have, did you get dinged either with a fee or a higher interest rate?

(3) Have you gone over your credit limit in the last 12 months? If you have, did you incur a fee? How often did you go over your limit?

Answering questions like these can give you a feeling for the real cost of holding onto those cards. Let’s take an example. If you’re carrying an average $5,000 credit card balance each month and are paying a 22% annual interest rate, that works out to ($5000 x .22 or) $1100 per year of interest charges. Do you have $10,000 dollars of debt? Then double the sum from our previous example and you’re paying out $2200 per year. Wow! That’s a lot of money to be giving away to the bank—money you’ll never get back. Think about it: Over 20 years it’s ($2200 x 20 or) $44,000 and that doesn’t include any interest you’d earn if the money was in savings!

Quit giving the banks your money. Rip up those cards and start saving it for something you really want.

As we begin talking about saving money and building wealth, keeping a tight reign on spending becomes critical. Just ask yourself: Would you like $44,000 in cash for a new car, a new boat, a kitchen remodel, or have it to pay for your child’s education? If so, consider taking action immediately.

Action Item: Shred your credit cards or at least pull them out of your wallet and put them under lock and key. Now, swear off using them. Better yet, tell your family and close friends to stop you if they see you using a credit card. It’ll be much harder dipping into that money you never had in the first place. Now, start paying off the cards with the highest interest charges first. If you have room on a credit card account with a lower interest rate, transfer your balance from a higher rate account—at least, do this if you don’t get dinged with a fee. In a way, you can consider this your own debt consolidation program. Once you’ve paid down all your credit card balances, start putting that same amount you’ve been paying every month in savings. In just a few years, you could be debt free and have some significant money put aside.

Building wealth doesn’t happen overnight. It took you time to build up those debts so it’ll take time and commitment to be completely debt-free. Be patient. You can do this. Just start taking the steps.

By Bob Anderson
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

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If your debt is large check out these Javabird.com articles:
Debt Relief: Two Solutions That Work
Danger Ahead: The Credit Card Disconnect

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What do you get when you cross lemon, coconut and walnut? How about Lemon Cross Cookies? Want a lighter, fresher, lemony, nutty-tasting cookie? These Lemon Cross Cookies not only taste great, but they’re dairy-free, too. Pucker up cookie fans, it’s time to squeeze those lemons and start baking.

Let’s Gather The Ingredients

These cookies have a light, lemony flavor. Mmm.

Today’s recipe calls for fresh-squeezed Meyer Lemons. If you don’t have those or prefer an easier option then substitute bottled lemon juice instead.

Here’s everything we’ll need:

3-1/4 cups all purpose flour

1  cup sugar

1 cup chopped walnuts

1/2 cup shredded coconut

If you want to add icing, you'll need some powdered sugar or chocolate.

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon sea salt

1 cup extra light olive oil (extra “light” for mild flavor)

1 cup fresh-squeezed lemon juice (requires about 5 or so Meyer lemons)

1 teaspoon pure vanilla

1/4 to 1/3 cup powdered sugar

Preparation

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Here’s the basic process. See the details below.

Click on the picture to expand. Use your browser button to come back.

Step By Step

If you haven’t done it yet, cut the lemons in half and squeeze them. Make sure to remove the seeds and set the juice aside.

Next chop up the walnuts if they didn’t come that way.

Grab a large mixing bowl and dump in all the dry ingredients except the powdered sugar. This includes the flour, granulated sugar, nuts, baking powder, cinnamon and sea salt.  Combine with a spoon.

Next pour in all the liquid including the olive oil, lemon juice and vanilla. Mix well. I was able to do this by hand.

I like to give them a cross pattern, but it certainly isn't necessary.

Let the dough sit about 15 minutes and then take rounded tablespoon sized chunks of dough and roll them into balls. Roll the balls in a little powdered sugar and place on a pan. You can flatten them if you like—this can be a fun job for a small helper. Sometimes I’ll also make indentations, though these do plump in the oven so don’t expect too much.

Bake 15 minutes and then pull the pan out of the oven and let it rest for several minutes. Finally, remove to wax or parchment paper and let cool, completely.

Dip or Drizzle

Hey, there’s nothing that says you can’t add a little drizzle over the top if you like. Though I think these taste fine without, here are two different options to change them up:

Add water and vanilla or another flavoring you prefer to some powdered sugar. Stir and then drizzle.

If you want to try icing and stick to dairy-free you’ll need a little more powdered sugar and a little vanilla and water. Try this: Combine 3 tablespoons of powdered sugar, 1 teaspoon of vanilla and 1 teaspoon of water in a small bowl. If it’s still too thick add a few drops of water at a time until you can easily drizzle it over the top of the cookies.

Nuke some chocolate chips in the microwave and then stir until creamy. Now drizzle or dip your cookies.

Can’t do without chocolate? Try this: Measure out about a quarter to half cup of chocolate chips into a microwave safe dish (I used dark chocolate chips and they were terrific). Now, microwave the dish for about a minute. At about half a minute, briefly stir. After a full minute stir until the chocolate is creamy and smooth. You may or may not need a few more seconds in the microwave to get all the lumps out. Now, either drizzle the chocolate over the top or dip the cookie by inverting it in a shallow dish. Once dipped, turn over and set on wax or parchment paper to allow the chocolate to set.

If using icing or dipping, allow the cookies to set for an hour or two before serving. So many options! So many tastes!

Enjoy!

By Bob Anderson
© 2012 Javabird LLC. All rights reserved.

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If you enjoyed this post, check out:
Chocolate Dipped In Chocolate
Vanilla Cloud Graham Crumble Pie
A Hearty Twist On Chocolate Chip

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